Gettin Personal

In a few weeks, I'm going to be leaving everything that I know behind to venture out on a whole new experience. As the time before I leave draws to an end, I am here feeling mixed emotions. Part of me, is sad to be leaving, maybe even a little scared; but the other part of me is ready to go.

But with saying goodbye I realize that the most disapointng thing of all. Is that it has come to me that I have a whole lot of associates and very few friends. Now my defintion of a friend is probably very different than other and more intense. A friend to me is someone who could be as close to you as a sibling. A confidant who you can tell your darkest secrets, and deepest fears to never having to worry about being judged no matter how ridiculous they may seem. Someone you can carry on a whole converstation with without a word being said.

I've never understood why people wanted to engage in meaningless relationships without substance. The purpose of this blog isnt to bash how other people interact, this is just a healthy dialogue of explaining how I feel. I mean the term "friend" gets thrown around so much, it's easy to say that you are "friends" with someone. But talk is cheap..you know..action.. action is something most individuals infrequently utilize.

I dont have strong family bonds, sadly. I sometimes I continually try to rebuild them. But it's most unfortunate because they rarely reciprocate or best yet, give me manifestations that they are trying and love me when it's all a front. The power one has over another person it's immense. I think sometimes we take that too lightly and play with people's emotions or lives in adverse ways.

Maybe it's our fears and insecurities inhibit our ability to live life to the fullest. Thus keeping us from seeking more intimate realtionships, or maybe everyone just develops and grows at different rates. Some at extremely fast rates others not. Whatever the case may be I love and cherish each and everyone of my friends. You all's value is ineffable and I love you all for that.