still making the same mistakes

I was talking with a long time friend the other day and she was telling me how she is "seeing" someone. Its kinda funny b/c we are always in the same boat life wise and thought process wise. We are both independent people who have been screwed over a lot. We have both embraced our single lives. I always joke that if I was straight she would be the girl that I would marry.

So she was telling me that she was having a hard time really letting herself get invested in the realtionship. She went one to say something that stopped me dead in my tracks and made me reevaluate my life. The reason she was having problems letting go and falling emotionally b/c she had "learned from the past" she couldnt believe that when we were in college the her and her friends use to get dressed up going to the bars lookin for Mr. right.

Then it hit me, Im still making the same mistakes relationship wise that I was in college, 7 years ago!!! Well I was a freshman 7 years ago. Its amazing, have I not learnt anything from my past mistakes? Im not as needy as I once was but is that b/c Ive grown as a person or is it b/c Ive let life and my past experiences make me bitter? Why cant I commit to one person? Even when I met someone who is interested in me, I hold them at a distance. Mostly b/c Im always waiting for something better to come along.

I dont believe in dating for the sake of dating, so when I meet date someone its suppose to mean something. My problem is maybe my standards are too high, I dont think im asking for alot. Someone who I have chemistry with, someone with a sense of humor, attractive, and a decent person. I cant count the number of guys Ive met, and thought about dating but didnt b/c they werent cute enough in my book, so I held out for something better.

My friend Abbey went on to say, what if you keep doing that, and the whole time everything you've always wanted was in front of you the whole time. You shouldnt have to force something to work, of course sometimes you have to do a little work to make a relationship grow. But when does the time come where you cut your loses?

Im sure this blog is all over the place, Im just writing off the cuff. Im still in shock that its been 7 years since Ive started dating, I was a late bloomer and didnt start dating guys or anyone until college. But still 7 years later 2008, and Im still chasing guys who arent good for me, who are in reality not worth my time. I dont want it to be 2015 and i would still be single, still acting like a naive 21 year old boy.